never again to be all alone
by theotherthompson
Summary: "Sirius," he begins, then stops. He looks so lost that Sirius takes a another step closer. It catches Remus' attention. He frowns sternly at Sirius, but the look in his eyes is sad. A moment later his whole face softens to a gentle grief. "Sirius. I'm so sorry."


**AN:** QLFC Season 5, Round 10. Prompts used were _Godric's Hollow_ , _arrow_ , and the dialogue _"This couldn't have happened at a worse time"_ (1, 7, 11). I had the song 'You Light Up My Life' by Debby Boone. I used this by including some of the lyrics within my writing, as well as for the title. The _actual_ soundtrack that I used for this is 'Old Friends' from the Transistor OST by Darren Korb. If you can, look for the hummed version of the song to listen while reading!

This story is not a happy one, even though I love Sirius/Remus and want them to be happy. I blame my recent rewatch of Rythian's Transistor playthrough.

Warnings: Non-graphic aftermath of death. No actual violence or death occurs during the story.

Word count: 2126

* * *

Godric's Hollow is quiet and still two days after Halloween. In the middle of the night and with the moon full, the whole place looks like a graveyard; houses stand like washed out memorials, all their windows dark. Sirius skulks through the shadows and avoids the few street lamps lit up. He's a hulking mass of black shaggy fur and muscle, a great big dog that would make any wizard or witch scream in shock. Sirius looks more like the Grim than ever, hiding in the shadows like this, but he can't bring himself to come into the light.

A rat scuttles out from under a newspaper and freezes when it sees him. Sirius growls, canine lips pulled back to snarl. The rat scrambles away, further into the dark alley. Sirius doesn't chase after it. It's not Peter.

Peter's gone. Missing. And now Sirius is a wanted man.

Sirius shakes his head, which looks and feels odd to do as a dog, but some characteristics carry over through to his other form. Sometimes Sirius is more dog than man. Sometimes he's more man than dog. Traits bleed over until he reaches moments where he's not sure if he's always pulled his lips back to show his canines when he snarls.

Sirius moves on.

For all that the houses here look like graves, there's only one house that's filled with the dead. It's the one that Sirius heads to, the only one he cares about.

He runs across the street, feeling exposed under the moonlight, and takes a shortcut behind the overgrown garden of a house with a family of five that he remembers seeing, but never meeting. Their dog perks up in the dog house she sleeps in, but when she recognises Sirius she shies away. Animals always had good instincts.

He exits the garden through a hole in the fence that he has to squeeze through, then sets down the alley he emerges in with an easy lope. A right turn, and then a left. He hides behind the corner when he hears something up ahead, but it's just a regular cat. He moves on.

He keeps moving until finally, finally he stops. Two days after the disaster of Halloween night, and the Potter cottage stands before him, almost whole if it weren't for the open door and broken glass. Sirius watches the house for signs of movement, but there's nothing at all. The door stands open like a greeting. The black shadows look like they'd eat him alive.

Sirius is afraid to go in, but he needs to see it for himself.

He cautiously noses his way past the front door. Carefully stepping over bits of broken wood and glass, he turns to the living room. He slinks along the wall like a thief, his head hanging low and his tail between his legs. He stops the whine in his throat before it starts. If he starts he won't be able to stop.

The living room is worse than the entrance.

It's like a tornado went off. All the furniture has been tipped over or smashed. The walls bear scars from burns and deep gouges. There's blood on the shaggy carpet that Sirius used to lay down on to nap with Harry. He steps further into the room, gravitating towards the blood, when his paw sends something skittering across the scratched hardwood. Sirius looks down to see James' glasses, cracked and twisted.

James' body is nowhere to be seen, which Sirius had expected. He doubts he'll find Lily, either. The Order had at least taken care of the funerals, then.

Sirius turns away.

He goes up the stairs next, scrambling awkwardly up the steps. His claws clack loudly against the wood, and he trips twice before he makes it to the second floor of the little cottage. He pauses at the top of the stairs for a moment, ears twitching as he listened for noise. Nothing.

… Nothing. Not even the wind.

Sirius hunkers down, pressing his bulk against the wall as he prowled further down the hall, to the nursery. He refrains from growling, but he wonders if the effort's worth it. Surely whoever is in here with him would have heard him by now. He can't smell where they are or hear them, but the absence where there should be _something_ is enough to tip him off.

Halfway down the hall, something moves in the shadow of the nursery. Sirius holds his breath.

"Sirius?"

That voice.

"Sirius, is that you?" Remus says, peering around the half closed door of the nursery. His face is pale and drawn under the moonlight, and his voice sounds rough. He looks like he hasn't slept in days. Sirius knows the feeling.

Warmth bubbles up from his chest. Before he can think against it he transforms back into a man in one fluid movement, stepping closer to Remus.

"Remus," he rasps out. Sirius clears his throat and tries again.

"Remus, please believe me, I wasn't the one who betrayed James and Lily," he stumbles over the words, tripping over them. He holds his hands out beseechingly. Distantly, he's aware that his hair has twigs in it. He's aware of the disarray his muddied and torn clothes are in. He hasn't shaved for three days now, and the last time he looked in a mirror his eyes were bloodshot and puffy from tears.

Sirius probably looks more crazy than rational and harmless, but Remus gives him a wan smile anyway.

"I believe you," he says. Hope blooms in Sirius' chest like the dawn coming in after a cold night. Sirius smiles helplessly.

Remus looks away, turning his gaze down to his feet - or what Sirius presumes is his feet. Only Remus' head is visible from behind the partially open door.

"This couldn't have happened at a worse time," Remus mutters under his breath. Sirius still hears it though. He steps closer, shivering from the cold.

"Moony? C'mon, get out of there."

Remus shakes his head. "Sirius," he begins, then stops. He looks so lost that Sirius takes a another step closer. It catches Remus' attention. He frowns sternly at Sirius, but the look in his eyes is sad. A moment later his whole face softens to a gentle grief. "Sirius. I'm so sorry."

Sirius laughs nervously, taking another step. Remus is just out of arm's reach now, but he shrinks away like he's afraid. He hasn't done that since first year. "What are you apologizing for? It's not your fault, it's Peter's. You're not making any sense, Moony."

Remus shakes his head, holding out a hand in front of him to stop Sirius' advance. "I believe you. I wouldn't have before, but after - I believe you now."

Sirius swallows, mouth suddenly dry. "What are you saying, Remus?"

Remus looks away. "You can tell, can't you? Just look." His hand falls down, catching Sirius' eyes. He looks.

It's translucent. It's not just Remus' hand either, but his whole body. Sirius huffs out a breath in surprise, and watches how it forms into a mist in the cold air, rising up. Suddenly, Sirius remembers the state of the moon outside. The silence finally makes sense.

"I told Peter that I was coming here before I locked myself up for the full moon," Remus says quietly. Sirius closes his eyes.

"He got me, Sirius. Or he told someone else, and they took care of me for him. That's how I know." Remus laughs, a little hysterical. "That was almost twelve hours ago, you know? I think they left my - I think they left me here so that it looked like some anti-werewolf hunter followed me in here. Silver arrow, straight through the heart - can you believe it?"

Sirius needs to see for himself.

"Let me through," he croaks out. Remus pauses, studying him for a long moment. He nods and retreats back into the room. Sirius stumbles after him on unsteady legs, sees the crib where Harry once slept. No sign of Lily, of course, but the stench of blood is heavy in the air. He turns to the corner of the room closest to the door and sees Remus, a floating pale, gray spectre. And behind him -

"Oh _Remus_ ," Sirius breaths out, grief pouring into the words.

The man who lit up Sirius' life with laughter and hope is dead. His ghost hovers between Sirius and what's left, like he can spare Sirius the sight if he puffs himself up big enough. Pain shoots through Sirius like a lance of lightning or -

"An arrow through the heart," Sirius echoes, carefully stepping around Remus' shade.

"You should get out of here," Remus says quietly. "There's nothing left here. Nothing but ghosts," Remus smiles at the joke, before becoming serious again. "They have this place under watch. They'll be coming for you at any moment, now."

"They can try," Sirius rumbles, kneeling down. He feels numb. He can't feel the cold anymore. His hands tremble anyway.

Remus looks away, drifting back so that he's as far away from Sirius as possible while still remaining in the room. His smile is bittersweet. "A few more hours and I would have faded too, so that no one else would be here. I was getting ready to, well, _go,_ I guess. Until I saw you."

Sirius hesitates for a moment, but only one. "Come with me," he says to Remus.

Remus doesn't even have the grace to look startled by the question. "How? I don't know if I can. I'm - I'm attached to something here. This house. An object. I don't know what yet."

Remus makes a frustrated noise after he finishes his sentence, putting his face in his hands. "It's not like I want to stay here. I was alone here. Alone in the dark. But then you came along."

Sirius closes his eyes for a moment, before opening them again. "The arrow."

Remus shrugs helplessly. "You can try. But you have to leave after this, and you can't come back. No matter what. You have to - you have to find Harry."

Sirius nods, throat closing up. He reaches up, and pulls the arrow out. Once that's done, he reaches out again, but this time he lays Remus down and closes the lids of his glassy eyes. He straightens out the clothes, ignoring the blood.

Finally, he turns away, back to the arrow and to Remus' ghost.

Sirius breaks off the head of the arrow. With a few muttered spells, he dulls its points and punches a small hole through its tip. Another spell, and Sirius conjures a cord that he threads through the hole. He holds it up to the moonlight. As it is now, its looks like an eccentric necklace. The silver gleams under the moonlight.

"Sirius," Remus murmurs, curling into himself like he can feel the cold. Sirius wishes he could. Sirius wishes he could, and that he'd ask Sirius to throw an arm around him to help warm him up, and that Sirius could touch him.

"Just go," Remus says tiredly. "You can't stay here any longer. The Death Eaters. Peter. _Harry_. You - we have to move on."

Sirius turns to Remus. He opens his mouth to say something but nothing comes out. He doesn't know what to say. He closes his mouth and swallows heavily, looking back to the necklace he made. With shaking hands, Sirius ties it around his neck. He tugs it once to make sure the knot is secure, then lets it fall to chest. The silver catches the light and glints out of the corner of his eyes.

Suddenly he feels like the necklace feels heavy. His shoulders sag as he turns around, back the way he came. Transforming back into a dog gives him no relief; the weight around his neck remains. Remus is still a pale shade in the corner of his eyes. Sirius feels adrift on the water, even though he knows where he's going. He thinks the feeling will never leave him.

He sets off at a steady lope, bursting out of the shadows of the cottage through the open door and back into the village. Remus follows, flickering in and out of Sirius' sight, almost but not quite out of his awareness. A brief flash of relief runs through Sirius whenever he spots Remus, followed by more grief.

Sirius moves on.


End file.
